After enjoying a very merry American Christmas, I decided to browse Forbes while enjoying my afternoon ritual of whiskey with a splash of coffee. I was quite surprised to see they had realeased the 2017 Most Influential Names in Media. Then I had to rub my eyes to make sure I wasn’t seeing in 100 proof–none of The Columbian Post staff were on it. After a year of tirelessly covering current events, providing exclusive coverage of the Eritrean elections and exposing the far-reaching global conspiracy to artificially inflate the price of iguana insemination, Forbes has chosen to exclude us from their prestigious list.
Sure, we’re an up and coming news outlet, and don’t have funding from Soros to launch aggressive digital marketing campaigns and pay Chinese click farms to boost our views into the millions, but neither do most of the other people on the list. Take Jacob Tobia for example, a non-binary gender activist, who is little known compared to someone like Tomi Lahren:
I realize that I can’t compete with sensational journalism at its finest, but I think it’s a bit, dare I say, exclusionist to be ignored on the basis of my lack of a perm. Perhaps I brewed my coffee with schadenfreude, but this familiar old schtick is part of the reason I single-handedly raised Jack Daniels’ quarterly profits in one afternoon.